For anyone that still has this blog in their RSS feed, please update the listing to my new space! I have just imported all the postings from this blog to the new one and will be deleting this blog soon.

http://bostonblacksheep.wordpress.com/

Cheers!

Jen

The places we’ve been together since I began this blog, with this persona, have been many. This space has been the sounding board of many of my most beautiful and trying of experiences with little filter. It has captured my knitting experiences, my first long-term relationship, and first two years of my teaching career. It’s been a journey for me as a person and as a writer. Thank you, all of you, for always being there with an encouraging word, insight, humor, and love.

At this time, I’d like to notify you that I will no longer be writing here at The Life of a Busy Little Bee. In this new phase of life, with my need for distance and privacy, with my new home and new relationships, and a greater sense of self, this space has grown too small, and is too open. This writing project is complete.

I will be writing, however, just not here. And it will be a different type of writing than this particular project. The project I’ve moved on to is truer to my deepened voice and will be a stylized and more thoughtful account of my experiences. It will be the same Jen as Busy Little Bee, but… enhanced. The strokes of the writer’s paintbrush will be richer and crisper.

I will not be posting a link to this new space here. I wish for it to be semi-anonymous. However, knowing the wonderful readers I have here, and knowing that I will be including a lot of the same content as here, I would like to extend the offer for those who wish to follow me to this new project to do so. If you wish to be a reader of this new project, send me a message at brokensnowpea at gmail dot com. I would be more than happy to share this new writing project with you.

In closing this blog, I would like to again thank all the readers and supporters of this project. You have enriched my life.

Best wishes to you all.

Why yes, I am still alive. :)

I’ve missed you all. Really, I have. I have missed the love and support that this unique online community of bloggers provides. I will soon catch up with everyone. Promise! In the meantime, allow me an opportunity to share my recent adventures.

Oh, dear readers, much have I to say and to share. Where to begin? My story is a “…long story, and like most stories in the world, never finished. There was an ending–there always is–but the story went on past the ending–it always does” (Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousing, 11).

This year is one of endings and new beginnings. It is a year of stripping down to the core to rebuild stronger and more attuned to my life goals and mission. Since my last post, much has changed and developed. Allow me to give a quick tour of the new furnishings.

After my obligations to Monmouth Academy were met, I moved to Salem Massachusetts where I live in a large and spacious house with four other people. When I was first considering living arrangements, I was quite certain that living alone would be best. But I fell in love with the house and the inhabitants. This house has amazing energy and we are all so supportive of each other. I could not imagine living anywhere else. I am walking distance to the train, to down town, and to my friends’ homes. I could not ask for more.

I’ve been visiting the Boston area since early spring to spend time with a good friend who supported me during my transition after separating from Allan. This friend showed great love and compassion, and introduced me to one of his friend’s, who has become a bedrock in my life. Shana, thank you.

Honestly, things are still working their way through. Transitions and endings are rarely simple. And I’m lucky that this one is as easy as it is. The divorce papers just went in. My name will be changing soon, but not to my maiden. I’m still looking for a job. But, all things in time. Everything you need. I have faith that my hard work and dedication to seeking employment will produce results.

Through all of this, I have kept my chin up. How, I don’t know. I am so tired all the time. I feel battered and bruised. But I find it within me to smile. To love. To encourage those around me. By lifting up someone else, I can’t help but lift up myself.

And I’m ready for my new life. I really am. I have embraced these changes and have come to love the new people in my life, continue to love the people who have always been there, and have come to love this new and strange environment that is Massachusetts. I am moving out of the woods though it still seems dark. “We are lucky, even the worst of us, because daylight comes” (Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousing, 9). This world is a wondrous place, scary and dark at times, but wonderful none-the-less!

I wish you well, my friends. Good night.

(P. S. This is a sloppy post:  there was no editing prior to publishing. I simply wanted to break the silence. More will come soon to fill in the gaps in this post.)

Today is an easier day to list positive things for. I actually had positive stuff happen!

1.  A stipend I thought I had lost due to losing sight of a detail was put back on the table. I’m able to correct my minor mistake. I’m +$1000. I don’t know when it’ll come through, but hey, it’s coming my way!

2.  I had an insurance payment kick back on today’s paycheck. +$80.

3.  I got a 10% off one item coupon from Barnes and Noble which will go on AFTER my 20% teacher appreciation discount. I’m going to buy a book (or something) today! I love books!

4.  I got all my grading cleared off my desk. I’m completely and utterly caught up on that front. Just final projects and final exams left to grade.

5.  I have a great bottle of wine I’ll open tonight and have a glass of in celebration of today’s fortunate events. I’ll cozy up in front of my laptop with a glass of wine, M&Ms, a $1 lottery ticket (hey, why not! the stars seem to be in my favor today), and Season 1 Episode 1 of Dexter with some knitting.

Even though it is only 1:30 PM, I’m calling it a day. I’m good with how today has shaped up and I only hope that the evening maintains these good vibrations. And with going on a run, eating a delicious dinner, baking cookies AFTER depositing a fat check and buying a new book, I can’t see how my day could take a turn for the worse today.

About damned time! :)

After months of silence, I’m rather talkative. I came across the following words that struck a chord in me and I wanted to share them:

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

Leonardo da Vinci

I feel strong, but tired. I feel confident, but worried. I will conquer these challenges, but I don’t know how. I will survive and become better and wiser from these challenges. It will just take time and patience and diligence.

image from Mangtacio on Flickr

image from Mangtacio on Flickr

One thing I have done for myself is develop a mantra. I’ve been working diligently to cultivate the positive, create an upbeat attitude during these trying times and the mantra has been part of the routine for about three weeks now. Each morning when I wake up, I say out loud to myself:  “Today is a great day, and all is right in my world.” Yes, I have many difficulties, many of which I’ve revealed here on this blog and others I have not yet shared due to the sensitive nature of them, but that makes each day no less great or full of potential. Each day has vast potential.

[Mantacio’s Flickr Stream]

purple tulip from my garden

purple tulip from my garden

I haven’t had a lot of positive stuff happen in the last month or so. A rock slide crashed down on me and I’ve been getting out from underneath it stone by stone. So in lieu of life events, I’ve decided to do gratitude posts until I have something pleasant to say.

My self-imposed rules are to post 5 positive thoughts or events from the day and for each negative event that stresses me out, to think of 3 positive potential outcomes for it or aspects of it. Feel free to add your own thoughts or things you are grateful for in the comments — I’d love to hear them! :)

TODAY’S FIVE POSITIVES:

1.  I went on a run today and felt powerful and present as the air moved in and out of my lungs.

2.  I got a huge stack of grading done. Yippee!

3.  I have a new friend who has been an amazing support and resource during this dark period. Thanks, Shana!

4.  My other friends from high school and college have been amazing and loving and supportive during this trial of strength and endurance.

5.  I love my new hair color.

auburn-colored hair agrees with me

auburn-colored hair agrees with me

3 POSITIVES FOR 1 NEGATIVE:

The Negative: I got an email stating that a professional development opportunity I’ve had counting towards my hours for recertification was revoked.

The Positives: 1)  I’m learning how to navigate the political waters in a public school. 2)  I’ve learned the value of a clear documentation trail (not that I didn’t know this before, but it reaffirmed a known truth).  3)  I’ve discovered that I have some dedicated and powerful allies at school willing to go to bat for me.

The Negative: I am so incredibly out of shape after two weeks of not running and being super stressed out.

The Positives: 1)  I can take it slow and build up from the base again since I’ve done it before and know myself capable of this.  2)  I’m still slim and powerful.  3)  The physical need to rebuild will align with my emotional and spiritual need to rebuild.

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